Last 2 days I’ve seen absolutely unprecedented amount of cop cars doing traffic stops and DUI arrests. As in, it’s never been even remotely close to this many cop cars on the streets. Many major highways had 10-20 mile stretches literally covered with cop cars in both directions. I myself got pulled over for the silliest reasons 3 times over this weekend. No tickets or even warnings, but still.

Peak Cop-a-palooza happened last night, shortly after 1am. At the time I had 3 pax in a car: 2 teenage girls in a backseat and their slightly drunk mom riding shotgun. She wanted to pick up her car from the lakeside restaurant in the middle of nowhere (literally nothing but the forest and a narrow dirt road leading to that restaurant for at least 10 miles). Said restaurant was closed since 9pm, so not a soul around, except for owls and bats. Guess what? Less than 2 miles from destination a big ass police SUV literally jumps from the bushes with lights blazing… and pulls me “over” (choose your spot officer, muddy grass or grassy mud?). Cue the frogs outside and a chorus of what the fucks from my pax.

“I’m Unintelligible with Unintelligible Sheriff’s Department. The reason I pulled you over is you’ve failed to stop at the stop sign” – “There are no stop signs, officer” – “There is one, about 200 yards back” – “Nope, I have 3 witnesses and a dash camera” – “You have a dashcam?!” – “Yes, I’m an Uber driver”. Long pause. “May I see your driver’s license?…” But of course. It’s been a hard day, it’s dark, I’m tired, so I grab a license from my wallet and hand it to him. Even longer pause. “Thanks for showing it to me, but that’s not a driver’s license”. He returns my CCW permit. “You are free to go, stay safe out there”.

As he rolls back into his hiding spot, mom pax chimes in: “You know what, for some reason I don’t feel like driving tonight. Could you please just take us home?!…”