Category: Dear Diary

Dewy much?

Well well well, just look at this cute dew! What makes it so special? Well, firstly – it was photographed with a $20 borescope (I already had professional…

Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Picked up 3 high school teachers last night. History, English and chemistry. Upon learning that I was born and raised in USSR, history teacher asked me with a…

Nokian, what the hell happened to your QA?!

I used to love Nokian tires. Still think that their Hakkapeliitta series are fantastic, but today’s case in point is Entyre 2.0, Nokian’s LRR offering. Today I jacked…

Heavenly Creature

Last night I was the only driver working a bar close in my neck of the woods; the rest got spooked offline by an unruly crowd from a…

Some Pickups…

Just had a no-show at the weirdest pickup location of the year. Imagine the street, with name and everything, attached to an inner bend of a highway turn…

How’s Your Week So Far?

Yesterday I kicked out a pimp with his two obnoxious whores. Today I had to call the cops on a pax who refused to leave. Lemme guess… tomorrow’s…

Lucky Strike

Our town has only 2 watering holes that are open past midnight: one is a biker bar and another one is a cartel shithole. Both are located on…

Obedience Training

Lyft was crazy busy last night, so I only had 1 Uber ride at the very end of my “shift”. Four dudes that were extremely drunk+stoned and absolutely…

“I couldn’t do it”

Had 4 drunk cops (out of uniform) in my car last night. The entire ride they were telling me that this gig is crazy and the drivers are…

Confirmed: Uber steals tips. Well, kinda…

We have a lot of new pax in my town, so at least 2-3 times per “shift” I have to explain how to rate, tip, add a stop……

Sticky Surge: A Perfect Experiment

Picked up a neighbor from his home, dropped off at a grocery store nearby. He wanted to add a stop to make it a roundtrip, but I told…

A Tale Of Two Ladies In Fur

Picked up two posh young ladies from a black tie event at the country club. Fur coats, diamonds, gold, you name it. Both immediately gave me attitude varying…

Ghost Rider

Got a ping shortly before midnight, knew the street name but the address looked unfamiliar. Well, Google Maps to the rescue!… Wait, a car wash? At midnight? Nope,…

Spiritual Friday

Drove a guy named Buddha to a Christian school. Minutes later, dude named Jesus took an Uber to the strip club. Few more rides, and finally got a…

You Forgot Something…

Just got another 1-star along with a “service quality” flag. Totally worth it. Picked up three 20-ish old girls from the bar. As it usually happens with girls…

Slippery When Racist

Floor mats in my Prius are plastic, bucket style. Sometimes, very rarely, pax’s feet slip on them while getting out of the car… despite said mats being clean,…

“I Only Have Hundreds!”

Drunk pax searching his pockets late at night. “I’ll have to tip you on the app, I only have hundreds on me!” – Okay, whatever. After he left,…

Hulks

Last night in the sticks was the most violent one of my entire Uber “career”. It was super slow until most bars closed, then suddenly all competition went…

Really Shitty Linguistics

Any new field adds something to my vocabulary. With Uber, I haven’t discovered any new words in a very long time. Then, thanks to the Uber online community,…

Why You Shouldn’t Pick Up Low Rated Pax After Dark

Perfect case in point. Yesterday was a very slow day, so I picked up the same 4.72 twice – once during the day, once later at night. The…

Uber BSG

Today, for no particular reason at all, I’ve got various Battlestar Galactica tunes playing in my head… so sometimes I’ve been humming them while in my car alone….

Thanks Marcy!

Two college age girls hop into my car, wearing nothing but bikinis. They are barefoot; one has a phone (she ordered the ride), while another is carrying a…

“Tip Him Twenty!”

Pick up at the mansion on a scenic lakeshore. A guy comes out chewing on a huge cigar, tosses a few suitcases on a pavement and tells me…

Oh Fuck!

Pax, a young couple, were already waiting when I arrived. As they hopped in, I’ve started the ride and immediately noticed that their destination was a local hospital’s…

It’s Raining Men!

Suddenly it rained at least 3 inches in less than 10 seconds. Ever found yourself aquaplaning into a concrete wall, sideways, at 70 mph?… Me neither, until today….

Finally Got Him

Hi Jeff, I was hoping to see you again. Remember me? You took at least 3 rides in my car, all of them long ones. (speeding down a…

Free-riders Come In All Shapes And Sizes

Had my first ever pax cancel a few minutes after pickup on a long trip, which of course abruptly ended a few seconds afterwards. Middle aged Chinese lady….

Weirdest Tip

Just got tipped $25 in a weirdest way possible. Via text message Through Uber proxy Through cash.me In bitcoin Nerds!

Cop-a-palooza

Last 2 days I’ve seen absolutely unprecedented amount of cop cars doing traffic stops and DUI arrests. As in, it’s never been even remotely close to this many…

Socializing With Other Drivers

It gets warmer every day. More and more plants are blooming, pollen is everywhere. More and more rideshare drivers are hangin’ at the gas stations and other “hot…

Bring It On Motherfucker!

This pax was totally wasted. Ok, AC on full blast, barf bag at the ready, sped through the shortest route (20 minutes away from already remote location)… and…

Pants Down!

Just found someone’s pants under my seat, obviously removed in a hurry. All pax left the car with pants on. What the actual fuck?!

Linguistic Embarrassment

Picked up an Asian lady in a Korean neighborhood. She looked Korean, her heavy accent sounded Korean and her destination was a Korean joint. So I assumed that…

Paddy Who?!

It was the most bizarre Saint Paddy’s day ever. Surges all over the map. Everyone’s getting shitfaced. Tons of pedestrians with beer in their hands, barely able to…

Pool Pax From Heaven

I tend to accept the first ping of the night, no matter what. It’s just part of the game, I guess. Anyhow, last night’s first ping was Poop….

Last ride last night was a no-show. Kinda.

Parked at the driveway entrance, timer started. A minute later, garage door opens and a dude walks out, glancing at his smartphone every 10-15 seconds, obviously watching the…

XL Road Rage

Here I am, waiting on a pax in a busy cluster of bars&clubs. Found a nice spot to park, flashers on, watching the timer… Suddenly an XL (or…

Oh hi y’all!

For a while this cozy blog will be an almost exact mirror of my Reddit profile, then hopefully morph into something even more interesting. Buckle up!