Picked up two posh young ladies from a black tie event at the country club. Fur coats, diamonds, gold, you name it. Both immediately gave me attitude varying from contemptuous to scornful… made them shut up, no big deal.

Five minutes into their 40-minute highway ride one of them breaks the silence by saying, very intelligibly: “Do you have a bag?…” In less than 2 seconds I put one in her hands, and she empties her stomach into it. Then again. And again. Whatever, my bags are big enough to accommodate stomach contents of 3 big guys (don’t ask how I know). It’ll be fine, not my first rodeo. AC on, recirculation off, vent in my face, life’s good.

…Ten minutes later I hear a splat from the back. Yup, bitch passed out and dropped her full bag on the floor. Yeeesh, the stench!

Few more minutes, and the second girl asks for a bag; I give her another one. For the rest of the ride they both barf like I’ve never seen before. Second girl does it in a bag, while the first one just continues puking on a floor.

Finally we arrive at their residence. In a mobile home park. Floor puker exits the car quietly, while her friend profusely apologizes for the mess. Whatever. I take off, look at the fare… She gave me 5 stars and even a $5 tip, how classy!

My next stop was at the nearest gas station. It was freezing cold and raining like crazy, which worked in my favor by turning the roof into a giant water jet.

  • Gloves, goggles, mask, ready. Wishlist: apron.
  • Tossed a full roll of paper towels on my (bucket style) floor mat to absorb the liquid, then carefully removed them.
  • Removed the floor mat and liberally applied Lysol to it (yes, a toilet bowl cleaner).
  • Floor underneath and around the mat was dry and clean, yay!
  • Woolite and disinfectant spray on a few wet spots on seat covers. I’ll use a wet vac on them the next day.
  • Tossed the floor mat under aforementioned “water jet”.
  • Lysol wipes on all plastic parts they touched.
  • Just for a good measure, same wipes on kick mats.

20 minutes, and I was good to go. 10 hours later, $150 cleaning fee. Bitches should’ve taken Lyft.